So Bummed...

I am so bummed right now.  Soooo bummed.


I am trying to schedule my Senior Recital, so that my grandmother can make it.


My grandmother is 80 goes to Arizona for the winter, because she can't get around in the wintertime where we live.  She had polio in her twenties and has terrible arthritis and neuropathy and gout, which makes it really hard for her to get around under normal circumstances, let alone when it's cold and icy.  One of her legs is about 2-3 inches shorter than the other, as a result of the polio.  She uses a cane and has her shoes built up quite significantly to help her get around better. 


She still does most everything for herself.  She drives to Cody and Denver, which are pretty far away from where we live.  She also takes herself to the doctor, grocery store; she still plays the violin and piano and weeds the garden.  She still cooks huge, delicious, homemade meals for all of us when we're home.  She still sews, quilts, crochets, and cleans her house.  She's very able, except when it is cold and icy.  She gets unsteady on the snow, especially when it covers ice.


I love my grandmother with all my heart.  And she is the one who got me started in music when I was 5.  She paid for my piano lessons for the first 13 years of my musical career. 


It is really important to me that she be at my recital.  She has never missed a musical performance of mine, except for when she was gone for the winter, since kindergarten. 


I called her today to ask her which date would work.  I have 2 dates which are open in April, which are close to the time that Grandma comes back from Arizona.  I told her that I really wanted her to be there for my recital and as such, I had picked 2 free dates and I wanted to know which would work best for her. 


She told me that she really wanted to be there, but that she didn't know if she would be able to make it.  She said the 2 dates I had picked probably wouldn't work, so if there was a later date, that would work better.  There is the 17th of April, but that is 2 weeks before school is out, and I will be working really hard to get my classwork done and start studying for finals week.  So I would prefer to do it the 1st or 2nd of April, so that I have the rest of the month free to get classwork finished and start studying for finals. 


Grandma just didn't know if she could make it the 1st or the 2nd, because the weather might be bad, Aunt Donna might not make it in time to bring her home, they will probably be travelling that weekend, they just might not make it back in time....maybe this, maybe that.....


I am so bummed, because I want my grandma to be there for my recital, so she can see how far I've come in 17 years of music lessons.  I want to be able to stand up in front of everybody, and introduce my grandma and tell everyone that she is the reason I am a musician today.  It is just really important to me that she be there for my recital.


She couldn't or didn't want to say that she would be there, and she wanted me to schedule it later.  When I mentioned that the 17th was really close to finals week, she said something like, "Go ahead and schedule it for whenever it works for you.  If I can make it, I will be there, but if I can't, then I just can't."


I mentioned that my aunt might be able to ask for a certain time off, so that she could make it to my recital.  She said my aunt wouldn't know her schedule this far in advance.


I called my mom, and she said I should e-mail my aunt and let her know what was going on.


So I did, and told my aunt how important this is to me, and asked if it was at all possible to make sure that my grandma got there.  I also told her that I would like her to hear what I had been working on for the last 5 years.


I hope that my aunt can get my grandmother to come home in time for my recital.  My dad has also promised to talk to her about how important this is to me.


I guess I just expected that my grandmother would say something like, "Schedule it for whenever works best for you, and I will be there."  I guess I just expected that she would be there, like she has been for all my other performances.   


I just really want my grandmother to be there for my recital.  It is so important to me.